Friday, April 1, 2011

Saving Your Marriage Before it Starts

Saving your Marriage Before it Starts is a great book for those 
who are already married or who are planning on getting married.

I like the audio book because it is so nice to listen to while driving in the car to make good use of that time.    

Here are some good tips

"Communication. Communication. Communication. You need to listen. Listen to what your partner is communicating to you. Truly listen to what he or she is saying and don’t jump ahead in your mind and start trying to work out solutions before they even finish talking about an issue or concern plaguing them. You need to listen with your heart as well as your head. Sometimes your partner doesn’t want you to figure everything out for them, they just want you to listen and give them a hug, telling them you’re sorry that they are going through that issue or having such a difficult time with whatever it is. We all just want to be loved and accepted and sometimes we just want to vent to our partners and have them give us a hug and tell us everything will be ok.

Be positive. Focus on the positive. When people are attracted to each other and the relationship is still fresh, they focus on the things they like about the person but as time passes, they tend to take for granted what they like about their partners and instead come to focus on the things, often the little things that annoy them or that they simply don’t like. Remembering to focus on the things that you love and like the most about your partner is one way to help avoid break-ups.

Don’t nag. Nagging your partner is irritating and never results in positive changes of behavior but instead tends to fuel resentment, anger, indifference, and even hurt. The more constructive option is to communicate your preferences in a positive way that is neither demeaning nor critical in nature. Also, don’t forget to throw in some positive feedback about his or her positive qualities.

Share moments. Make sure to have plenty of ‘Us’ time. Taking the time to spend more quality time together shows that both of you are dedicated to one another. Do not limit this time with each other to only planned dates, though regular outings together to spend time as a couple is an excellent practice. Your couple time should occur daily and not just be a gripe session about your day at work. Remember to talk about positive things too. Who likes to listen to someone who is negative all the time? Certainly it is good and healthy to communicate your concerns and fears with your spouse, just remember to have positive moments and discussions too. You don’t want to fall into the trap of having every time you sit and really talk with your spouse it’s about problems at work or home or with the family

Intimacy. Remember to be intimate. Don’t forget that sex and sexual attraction was a huge part of what may have initially made your relationship strong and exciting. Take time to have those intimate moments, and remember intimacy involves more than just sex. It’s about connecting in those small moments, just cuddling together on the couch, holding hands as you walk through the mall or down a street, hugs, baths together, leaning on one another, a massage to sore and tense shoulders, a gentle touch to arm or shoulder or cheek. It’s about sharing space and touch and emotion. Physical touch is a very powerful way to connect and helps remind your partner about how much you love and care about them.

Being in a successful marriage requires many things. Communication, empathy, understanding, patience, acceptance, compromise, compassion, tolerance. Practice these things and you can help ensure you save your marriage before it ever starts to break."

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